Chapter 14

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE to get married?

This was a question I’d asked both Kao and Karin in the past, long before I’d even considered getting engaged.

Kao’s answer had been quick and simple: It would make things easier. Given that modern society still tended to favor those who were legally married, she decided to save herself the added hassle of all the extra paperwork, explanations, and tedious discussions that tended to come along with less “traditional” lifestyles. More than anything, she claimed she did it to get her parents (who had very old-fashioned values) to help out with their grandchildren. But it was clear that she did not romanticize the idea of being married one bit—which was probably why she never had a ceremony or reception.

Karin, meanwhile, tried to sound suave and say it was his way of “drawing the line.” Or, to use a tired old phrase: He felt like he had to “take responsibility” for making his wife spend the best years of her youth—her late teens and early twenties—on him, like he had an obligation as a man to propose at that point. I didn’t know about his fling with Kao back then, so I remember thinking it was pretty noble of him at the time. Now I felt like I should probably give him a good slap across the face on his wife’s behalf. To his credit, he did throw her a pretty spectacular wedding reception.

As for me, though—Karin had asked me this same question about a year ago, when we were drinking at a nearby izakaya, right after our first strategy meeting.

“It’s always been what I wanted in a relationship,” I’d told him. “It just so happened that this was the time it actually worked out.”

I realized that this might have come across as somewhat haughty and pretentious, and so I felt the need to elaborate, so as not to embarrass myself to a long-time friend.

“I don’t want to have to fall in love again. I want this to be the last time.”

At the time, it felt like something that had to be said, for better or for worse. And since I knew Karin cared a lot about Hibiki too, it did seem to help him realize how serious I was about this and allow him to more fully devote himself to the operation. Though not before he let out a little wolf whistle to tease me for it, which did grind my gears—but I tried to blame this on the alcohol and shrug it off.

To me, the purpose of submitting our marriage registration was to make our vows to spend the rest of our lives together into something more tangible and solidified. And the purpose of holding a wedding ceremony was to properly introduce my new life partner to all of my irreplaceable friends and family members. And, well, I couldn’t deny I also kind of wanted to wear one of those ridiculously elaborate and expensive wedding dresses at least once in my life.

In other words, I was very actively interested in getting married—which might have part of the reason I’d been able to avoid getting any pre-nuptial doubts like some people apparently did. Of course, my partner’s support in keeping my spirits up as the day drew nearer and nearer helped a lot with that as well. I couldn’t thank him enough for that.

Karin had been totally right—the months leading up to the wedding really did zoom by in the blink of an eye. Part of that was no doubt due to the fact that I was in my thirties. But also, having to spend so much time on wedding preparations in addition to all of our other normal obligations made us too busy to even look at the calendar.

There was definitely a period of time where it all felt like way too much for me to handle, as someone who’d never gone through the process before, but after reaching a certain point of no return, it felt like I suddenly had everything totally under control. Whenever push came to shove, I always managed to power through by sheer grit alone.

This was why I was able to sleep stress-free, like a baby, the night before the wedding. The ceremony was set to begin at noon, which meant I didn’t have to wake up earlier than I normally would. I managed to sleep soundly all the way until my usual 6 a.m. alarm.

That said, it wasn’t like I could afford to just laze around either. After a quick morning check-in call with my partner to make sure we were both awake, I took a shower and ate a proper breakfast. I remembered being a kid and dreaming about what sort of luxurious meals the bride and groom would have prepared for them on their wedding day—but in reality, food was the least of my concerns today.

As I nibbled on some toast and grilled ham, I shot off simple LINE messages to all of my friends and family members who’d be in attendance today, thanking them. This included my coworker Kii-chan, who’d apparently suspected my partner and I were an item all along. She’d be playing the role of usher at the venue for us today; I thanked her for that as well.

It would have been nice if I had the time to call them each up over the phone and thank them more personally, but alas, I had to keep myself on schedule—and not just because we needed to get to the venue on time. My partner and I were going to be meeting up at the government office to file our marriage paperwork after breakfast. It had been him who’d suggested we do this, right after our wedding date was settled. It delighted me, honestly. I loved that our official marriage anniversary would be the same day all our loved ones got together and celebrated with us.

I’d been expressly told to show up to the venue without makeup on. As such, since I was still a thirty-year-old woman who cared about my appearance, I put on a face mask and baseball cap to cover myself up, then headed out the door as soon as I’d made sure I’d packed everything I needed.

The next time I returned home, I’d be a married woman. The idea still felt crazy to me no matter how many times I thought about it. I wanted to believe the beautiful clear sky overhead today was not a mere coincidence, but a product of all the hard work by me, my partner, and everyone attending the ceremony to make today happen.

As for my relationship with Hibiki…

It had been over half a year now since the whole Christmas debacle, and we’d long since fallen back into our usual rapport. We still played games together online all the time, with or without Karin, and we’d made time to meet up for drinks twice this year so far. Every time we got together, we’d get drunk and laugh and promise to meet up again sometime soon. In light of this, I’d decided not to overly concern myself with Hibiki’s feelings for me anymore, as I felt like it would be doing a disservice to him as my friend. Which was the last thing I wanted to do, obviously.

In truth, I was finding myself admiring him more and more for his restraint lately. It was hard not to feel like he’d bested me in that regard—but at the same time, that was just the type of guy he was, so I wasn’t sure why I’d ever expected any different. It made me feel like I owed it to him to focus on the future and live my best life for myself.

We submitted our marriage registration without issue at the after-hours counter. Assuming there were no issues with our paper­work, we would be considered officially husband and wife as of today. Since we had a little bit of time to kill while waiting for our cab to arrive, I took off my mask and cap and expressed once again my sincerest wish for us to have a lifelong, happy marriage together—this would probably be the only alone time we’d have the rest of the day. It seemed this sentiment hit him right in the feels. He almost started tearing up.

Once we made it to the venue, I was immediately whisked off to the dressing room to get my hair and makeup done. I’d experienced this feeling once before at my coming-of-age ceremony, but getting all dolled up like this as a bride definitely put me right in the proper mood and mindset for the day. It was as exciting and nerve-racking as getting ready to walk out on stage in a brand-new leather jacket. It felt like I was “putting on my combat uniform,” as Karin would say.

Once I was all dressed and made up, it would be time for the groom and I to have our first look, followed by photos and various rehearsals, as well as greeting our respective families—but before any of that, I had another very important job to do: check the welcome cards that had been delivered just prior to the event. I’d been shown the image beforehand, but actually seeing the fully hand-drawn illustration in person gave me an even greater burst of energy than I’d ever expected. Amid Kao’s usual insanely vibrant color palette and adorable characters was a whole host of meaningful imagery clearly intended as her way of wishing us well. The cranes—a symbol of marital harmony—seemed like they might fly right off the cardstock.

“God, my friends are so awesome,” I said. I’d told her as much when we last met up and she showed me the illustration, but I couldn’t help but reiterate the sentiment.

During the photoshoot, I accidentally put on my typically forced, “picture-friendly” smile, and was asked to try smiling more naturally. Attempting this made me feel a bit bashful, honestly—but apparently that was exactly the expression the photographer was looking for. After our dress rehearsal and a quick meeting with the venue staff (who’d been so wonderfully helpful leading up to today), it was time to greet our respective parents, who’d arrived at the venue’s waiting room earlier than the other guests.

Not to sound like I’m tooting my own horn or anything, but while people close to my age often saw me as a bit cheeky and audacious, I’d found throughout my life that people significantly older than me were usually quite charmed by my personality, and we’d typically get along quite well. The bridegroom’s parents (who were quick to let me know how much they simply adored my dress) were no different. My partner and I had dinner with them several times over the past few months, and we’d even gone to karaoke together on multiple occasions. Each time we had an absolute blast—something Karin and Kao couldn’t believe when I told them.

On the other hand, I hadn’t even met my fiancé’s older sister until today, so I felt quite nervous introducing myself to her—though I knew I probably wasn’t half as nervous as my fiancé. It seemed men in this day and age still cared an awful lot about ensuring these sorts of family interactions went off without a hitch.

As for my own family, there was no clichéd “bride’s father and brother gang up on the groom and scare him into treating her right” type moment. The greetings went smoothly and everyone behaved about as pleasantly as one could possibly hope. I found it funny that I felt almost closer to my partner’s relatives now than my own family, whom I rarely, if ever, saw by virtue of them living much farther away.

After returning to our waiting room, my partner and I shared our impressions of how the family greetings went. Immediately after, the ushers started showing up one after another. I knew it was going to be a hectic day, but boy, was it ever.

Since it was a workplace marriage, we’d (apologetically) asked the coworkers we’d invited to handle most of the tedious tasks today. A grand total of four of our peers and subordinates showed up to tease the bridegroom about his tuxedo, while simultaneously offering the expected congratulatory felicitations.

Not long after that, an amusing factoid about Kii-chan came to light: She was actually a massive fan of Kao’s work, and her eyes lit up like the night sky in disbelief the moment she saw the welcome card illustration. After (perhaps carelessly) telling her she could meet the artist later to let her know what a big fan she was, I went back into the waiting room and sent a quick heads-up and apology to Kao. She replied, I’ll just tell her I’m a body double, which was extremely her style.

She and the others showed up to the venue about twenty-five minutes later. Since I wasn’t supposed to let any of the other guests see my face before the ceremony began, I figured I probably wouldn’t get a chance to talk with them until the reception. It was funny how much I was looking forward to simply talking with them today, these close friends I’d had thousands of interactions with over the years already.

I used to think weddings were primarily for the bride and groom—their “big day,” as it were. But over the past year, I’d come to realize that they actually represented the culmination of so many choices made by every single person in attendance, all of which came together to make this day possible.

All I could do was pray it would be a genuinely great day for everyone who’d chosen to be here to support me. Surely, I had the power to help make that happen.

I was the bride, after all.